Why I Don’t Care About What Others Think

At my baby shower, my mother-in-law gifted me a puppy that would clip around the chest of a child and a tail that acted as a leash. I was horrified. I believe my exact words were, “She knows I am giving birth to a person and not a dog, right?”

Ah, how smart we are before we have children. I believe I also made absurd statements like Caleb would only get books for the December holidays and that we would never let anything Disney into our house. HA! Oh, and I scoffed at the idea of a family bed. Yeah, I was super smart.

Fast forward 7+ years, and my son has a monkey backpack with a tether. And by tether, I mean leash. Yup, I actually bought him a dog leash that blends perfectly with his backpack so he could have more room to roam. And my son loves wearing his monkey.

Caleb is a flight-risk. When in busy parking lots, I hold on to his hand for dear life. We do have handicapped parking, and we do use it; I can’t tell you how many times I have had to carry a 40lb+ sobbing Caleb out to the car. Also, having a shorter trip from the car to the safe area of the store is reassuring for me.

Caleb started wearing his monkey backpack before he could talk; Caleb didn’t really talk until he was 3, and even then it was slow going. He also couldn’t truly understand the words I was saying; even if I told him a million times to not leave my side, it doesn’t mean that he knows exactly what that means and what mistakes look like. As Caleb’s language expanded, so did his understanding of the spoken word. With the monkey backpack, we both could focus on trying to take in the stimuli around us. We forgot about the restraints.

I cannot tell you how many people have yelled at me about my son and his leash. I have had people bark out windows as they drive by. I have had grown men come up into my face and challenge my parenting choices. I have had so many people roll their eyes at me.

People question what we feed Caleb, because yes, he has a bit of a belly. People question our token economy. People question how much or how little we push Caleb. People question if he should have unfettered access to electronics. People question why Caleb still cannot dress himself. People question why I let my son have a meltdown in the middle of the store and not be mad at him or punish him. People question if we are spoiling Caleb. And I don’t care. I care about what my husband and son think and that is it.

I do care about facts and information. I care about research that drives our parenting choices. I am willing to learn and change, because in the end, what we all want is for Caleb to be successful and happy.

I do ask the opinions of friends and family, but in the end, my husband, Caleb, and I make the final decisions together. Caleb still likes the freedom of wearing “Monkey.” We take walks, searching for Pokemon; having two hands free to play is incredibly helpful.

That said, Caleb is growing and we aren’t needing to use Monkey as much. When we walk in a downtown area, I insist on Monkey; one time eating dinner outside in downtown Chicago, Caleb ran into the middle of the street and all of us had a heart attack. I ran after him so fast, my heart beating out of my chest. My child still doesn’t have the sense to look for traffic before crossing a street. His life is worth more than my pride.

I mention pride because there are many mothers who don’t want to admit that their child is different or needs special accommodations. I grew up in a crazy, abusive, messed-up home and we always had to act and dress like everything was perfect. The idea of it makes my whole body react.

I am proud of my son, exactly the way he is. He works so freaking hard every single moment of his life. When he makes mistakes, you can see the panic in his eyes. There is not a mean bone in his body. Yes, he LOVES to push buttons, but so did I when I was younger. I mean, I was 16 and he is 6, but that just means he is advanced, right?

I guess what I am getting at is:
*Caleb was born at 33 weeks and looked like Walter Matthau

*Because of his time at the NICU, Caleb had a flat head. He had to wear a special helmet

*Caleb has had more meltdowns at Target than I can count
*I have had to chase down Caleb in the middle of Costco, leaving my cart completely abandoned.
*Caleb is very particular about his looks, which aren’t conventional

*Caleb is the king of awkward social interactions. During our garage sale, he was such a pushy salesperson that he actually scared people away!

And I am not embarrassed one bit.

It is true that when you love someone, you have to love all of them. The good, the bad, the ugly – they all come in a wonderful package. So, yes, my child will flap his hands and require a leash and say really inappropriate stuff. But, he is also the kindest, smartest, most creative person I have ever met and I have no doubt that Caleb will have a real positive impact upon the world.

And when in doubt, I just remember that I have to be the role model for Caleb. I want him to see me take the high road and focus on what is important. And that is why I can say that when it comes to how my husband and I raise Caleb, I don’t care what anyone thinks.

 

BTW, you can buy Caleb’s backpack here.

Fun at the Detroit Zoo

As I have mentioned before, we keep a token economy in the house. Caleb can earn stars which he can use to buy books, he can earn money to save, and he can earn money to pay for trips. So far this summer, he has paid for a trip to Sea Life Aquarium and Lego Land, and most recently, a trip to the zoo with the ultimate experience, including Dinosauria. We even bought tickets that allowed us to feed a giraffe. Caleb was not very well behaved with the giraffe, but each one of us got a turn, and it was really cool.

Each trip, he has paid for himself, my husband, my husband’s parents, and me. Now, I have incredibly generous parents-in-law who like to pay for themselves (I ask them to just put the money back in Caleb’s trip fund).

In order to make each trip easier, Caleb (via me) has prepaid for the tickets and then set aside money to spend on gifts and stuff. Caleb is not really good at standing in line, so any obstacles we can remove ahead of time, the better.

This past Friday, all 5 of us went to the zoo, and like I mentioned before, we got the ultimate experience. I would totally recommend it.

First we saw the penguins and then the reptiles, and worked our way past the camels and zebras, and found the entrance to Dinosauria. It was super freaking cool. The dinosaurs moved and made noises. There were not just adult dinosaurs, but whole families or packs. Lots of adorable little babies hatching out of eggs and such. I also got spit on right on my crotch, so it looked like I peed myself – it was pretty funny.

We saw lemurs, a beautiful lion, a grizzly bear, and seals.

Everyone at the zoo was very kind; we have been to the Detroit Zoo since Caleb was a baby, and we have always had a wonderful time. The workers there are incredibly understanding when it comes to Caleb’s behavior. I have never had a negative experience with a single zoo worker. That is another reason why it is worth the expense.

I have to admit, my phone died about halfway through our 4 hour tour (yes, 4 hours. Yes, I was exhausted.) because I was so busy catching pokemon and spinning pokestops. I caught about 25 squirtles. I know, I know, so silly, but it is something Caleb and I were able to focus on when he was getting tired. Plus, fine, I like it too. Fine. I’ll admit it. I like pokemon. Anyway…

We decided to not to take the train from the Africa stop all the way down to the exit because we wanted to stop at the experience center; our tickets allowed us entrance to a 4D movie or a simulation ride. We got there right at 1pm, right as the sea monster 4D movie was about to begin. I have to say, it was fun. Plus, Caleb sat through the entire 15 minutes, which is a pretty big deal. He was super tired, near tears, but sat through a short movie. (btw, we passed a family that was really tired but didn’t have the money to buy train tickets, so we gave them ours. We all were so happy that we could help someone else and that happiness gave us a little extra energy to get through the rest of the trip.)

4 hours was too long for Caleb and he was pretty miserable on the way out. He had to be carried for a while and tears were streaming down his face. We offered to take him to the gift shop; I offered him $50 that he could spend either at the shop or on anything else he wanted. He asked for some candy (I just paid for it); when I suggested he use the rest of his money to pay for the interactive globe he has been wanting for months, he instantly jumped at the chance. Again, here is Caleb, exhausted and overstimulated and he is making wise choices. I was super proud. Still am.

Overall, the 5 of us going to the zoo was about $150. This is definitely not something that we can afford every month; that said, I feel like we got our money’s worth out of the experience. We did bring all our own food and drinks, which makes a huge difference money-wise.

We had such a good time, we are looking into getting a zoo membership.
5/5 stars!