Pokemon Go

Caleb, who is turning 7 December 9th, is obsessed with Pokemon. There is a great big Pokemon world, and Caleb is fully immersed within it. He loves memorizing the different Pokemon, their stats, special moves, and evolutions. Pokemon Go does not play on any of his current electronic devices, so we play on my phone (Samsung Galaxy 7). Sharing my cell phone with Caleb takes a great deal of trust, but I also hover over him so that I can stop any unwanted behavior (like the time he sent hundreds of dollars to a dog breeder because he wanted a puppy).

Caleb is definitely a homebody like his father. I, however, am the adventurous one. I mostly like to plan ahead, but I also like to fly by the seat of my pants. I can basically bribe Caleb into walking around with me with the promise of Pokemon Go stops, gyms, and battles. Today, for instance, we walked around downtown Farmington (our home city) for about an hour, but we broke up it into a bunch of small trips; we would stop and sit if we were trying to defeat a gym or catch a bunch of Pokemon in an area.

Pokemon Go also gives something for Caleb and I to connect over. We have many, many conversations about Pokemon; we talk about our favorite Pokemon and where we want to go to collect them. At night, we go through maps of areas around us that have plenty of Pokestops or rare Pokemon. We even watch the TV show together, watch the movies, read the books, wear the clothing, and pretty much buy any piece of crap that has a Pikachu on it. Seriously, Pikachu is like a god to these kids! He is powerful but sweet, nice, and totally adorable; it is a pretty irresistible package.

While playing Pokemon Go, Caleb practiced a bunch of other skills without realizing it. Just walking alone helps strengthen his core, but not only that, he is learning to take in the world with his eyes, not his hands. He walks with me nicely; he has to look both ways before crossing a street or driveway; he practices using his peripheral vision to alert him to activity around him; he is learning about instant gratification (catching a Pokemon) versus delayed gratification (powering up and evolving Pokemon); and he is learning how to follow rules when playing a game. Pokemon Go also helps with reaction time and eye-hand coordination – this is especially true when trying to catch Pokemon or fight in a gym.

I have mentioned before that the studies done on children spending time with electronics have very specific results. I have heard other parents and educators make blanket statements about for how long a child should be able to use an electronic device; the truth is that the electronic devices only interfere with learning when the child is playing during educational time. Playing on an electronic device during their free time is not going to affect their learning. That said, Caleb doesn’t exercise enough. Shoot, I don’t either. It is funny because we both have weak cores; my stomach muscles are totally separated from pregnancy and Caleb has been working on his core since he was 2. So, do I want Caleb sitting at home, playing on his computer all day? Heck no. But, if we can play AND exercise at the same time, then it is fun. For more information on learning through electronic devices, I suggest any articles or books by James Paul Gee.

I would really suggest Pokemon Go for all interested autistic children and adults. There are so many stats to memorize and cute characters with whom you can interact, so there really is something for everyone. And the only way to hatch the eggs you catch is to walk around. So, we are walking. And we are having a blast.

Secure Your Own Mask Before Helping Others

Having an autistic child can be exhausting and sometimes even a little soul crushing. Caleb doesn’t have the people-pleasing desires that usually fuels children to behave; while he cares about what we think of him, he usually acts before he thinks. Of course Caleb wants me to like him, so he usually recognizes bad behavior and asks for forgiveness after the fact. It isn’t personal; Caleb has problems with impulse control.

Usually when Caleb has a migraine, his impulse control is pretty much nonexistent. That is when I have those really bad days where you look at the clock and it seems to be running almost backwards. The days when you are white-knuckling it until bedtime.

I have found that on those days, I am also not at my best. I probably have a migraine as well, so dealing with a completely unruly child is stressful. In order to stay sane, I have to take care of me. There are a few things Caleb and I do in order to maintain our mental health.

Feelings Therapy: Caleb and I both go to therapy at the same practice at the same time. Once a week, we both take 55 minutes to work on ourselves. This is so good for us; Caleb is usually in a good mood after talking to his doctor and I usually have had a good cry and feel like a weight has been lifted off of me.

Timeout: Timeout can be a very effective tool when used properly. The most challenging part is finding a place for time out. I know a lot of neurotypical kids who are able to sit in a seat for 5+ minutes; this is not a reasonable expectation for Caleb. We tried just having Caleb stay in his bedroom, but we got into a smearing issue. (For those that don’t know, smearing is, well, here, you can read about it.) *gag* So, we ended up using the treehouse in our living room that has a removable ladder. It is high enough off the ground that Caleb will not jump out. And yes, he even once smeared in there and it took hours of scrubbing to get that sucker clean.

Now, we still use the treehouse, but we don’t take away the ladder. The rule for how long timeout should last is the child’s age plus 1; Caleb is 6 so he has a 7 minute timeout. During timeout, we do not engage with Caleb. In fact, this is when you go into another room, set a time, and spend 7 minutes relaxing, doing something for you. I will take the time to make some coffee or ice my neck. The point is, we need timeouts too. I have even given myself a timeout when I am overwhelmed; I will go into the bedroom and close the door. Caleb can live without being supervised for 5 minutes, and those 5 minutes just might keep me sane.

Exercise: Not only do you feel happier and stronger when you exercise, it also helps melt away the stress. A lot of my exercises are to strengthen my core, which is exactly what Caleb needs, so we exercise together. Another benefit to exercise is that Caleb is tired and calmer afterwards. For core strengthening exercises, I use this website as a reference.

Another good incentive for exercise is Pokemon Go. As a family, we have taken long walks downtown or at one of our many local parks in order to catch Pokemon. In fact, as soon as I am done with this post, we are going to downtown Farmington to Pokehunt. It is surprising how far you will walk without realizing it; walking is good exercise, but strengthening Caleb’s core is our priority.

Friends and Family: You need friends to talk to, and yes, cry with. Friends and family who understand our family dynamics are often very helpful and compassionate. I have recently decided to be completely honest with my friends about my life, instead of feeling like I have to sugarcoat everything to make people comfortable. Yes, the friends and family I depended upon before Caleb are completely different now. My husband’s parents are the most amazing people and I even use his mother as a guide for myself and my behavior. I have learned to lovingly detach from people who don’t want to understand Caleb and our life. Right now, I have 3 really good friends (not including my husband), and getting out of the house and hanging out with them seriously refreshes me. Sometimes I need to get away so that I miss my family and I really want to be with them. Cause, let’s face it, there are many times when all we want is just a moment of peace. We deserve more than a moment; we need hours. In order to have a social life, my husband and I work together so the other may go play. However, we are always back home by 7:30pm because bedtime rituals are super important.

Don’t Sweat the Little Stuff: I haven’t dusted my house in 2 weeks. Maybe 3. I swept a few days ago. Laundry is piling up, I have dishes drying that need to be put away, my bathroom floor is disgusting, and that is all going to have to wait. Having a super clean house is not even close to the most important thing in Caleb’s life. In fact, my husband and son would be perfectly happy living in filth. What matters is that I don’t kill myself trying to take care of everyone; that only leads to me being overwhelmed and cranky. That doesn’t help anybody. So, not stressing myself out makes me a better person.

My main motivation for my positive attitude is not only my health, but also Caleb’s. Caleb gets very upset when I am unhappy with him. Caleb doesn’t think about his actions until after he has already done them; this distinction is important because he really does want to be a good kid and make me happy. I have to remind myself this all the time. All 3 of us deeply love each other, and in order to excel, we need to remember to be kind to ourselves as well as others.